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So here’s the deal… 10-October-07

Posted by purpleist in Uncategorized.
Tags: , , ,

I’m pretty new at blogging, so while the internet-opining-elite may come across this and shred it apart for its amateur nature, I am pretty confident that “the rest of us” will get it. I have no shame in admitting that when it comes to internet pop culture, I’m somewhere thumbing through the proverbial vinyl collection, mumbling phrases over and over again, one of which probably starts with “these kids today” and then would trail off into something entirely unintelligible. But I digress.

My situation is as follows: I think I’m gay. At the very, absolute least, I’m bi-sexual. Now, if I was a woman, this would really be no big deal. Am I generalizing? Absolutely. And I’ll admit that. However, you cannot honestly tell me that it just as socially-unacceptable to be a lesbian or bi-sexual woman than it is to be a bi-sexual or gay man. Sorry. It just does not work that way.

My feelings are not new either. I had my first gay experience well-before I was old enough to drive. I’m not going to go into it here for obvious reasons; I’m not here to be perverted. Nevertheless, I have always been attracted to certain attributes of the male species. Some of the traits I admire are flesh-based (gorgeous eyes, big chest, abs, ass, etc.), but for the most part, I am very much attracted to the man as a whole. There are guys that I only find mildly attractive physically, only to be infatuated with them after a bit of conversation (read: eavesdropping) or observation (read: stalking).

“So what the hell is the big deal, Purpleist? You’re gay!”

Okay, gay or bi-sexual, deviant and sinner, whatever it is, I’m fairly certain that it describes me. However, like many proud/ashamed/closeted/ambiguous/flamboyant-or-otherwise-just-plain-gay men before me, these are the secrets that I have to deal with. I know damn well that the struggles of gay and lesbian acceptance, and the stories of those brave men and women having the courage to come out and show the world who they really are. Some of those stories ended in ways that would make one proud of what the human race has become, while others, unfortunately, end in nothing short of unspeakable tragedy. So why, instead of mustering up that same courage to come right out and be brave in the face of bigotry and never ending social scrutiny, would I instead settle for telling my story (anonymously) on some blog that no one will read?

Well, the easiest reason is that my family would disown me. Not a very novel or original reason, I’m aware, and also not a reason that the founders of the gay rights’ movement would be very compassionate about… or would they? See, making this diary blog public allows me to ask the questions that I’ve been asking myself for years, only this time someone is reading them, and maybe – just maybe – they could provide me with the answers I seek.

But for now, I will settle for this being my place of refuge; I will accept this blog as my own personal confessional, and I will share my story (though anonymously) so that maybe someone can read it in order to help themselves or, ideally, to help me. Yes, it IS all about me. At least here, anyway.

However, the person who helps me the most is SO going to be the guest of honor at my Coming-Out party. You heard it here first. 😉



1. maybebi - 11-October-07

Hi there! Sounds like we’re kind of dealing with a bit of the same stuff, definitely happy to find out there’s another guy thinking out loud about his sexuality. 🙂

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