Unfortunately, nothing has changed. At all.

Maybe it will happen when I meet a boy. Maybe it will happen when I decide to be courageous and tell someone.

Until then, this blog will continue to be pretty boring. I’ll have some stuff here in the next few days.

Another notch in the ol’ I-think-I-may-be-gay-belt:

My best friend is a woman.

A woman who just so happens to have very-recently come out as a lesbian.

A woman that I dated for over a year.

She and I are amazing together. There’s a comfort between us that is very rare; one of those relationships where you can go to their place, knock once on the door and then just come in, sit down next to them on the couch, bypass all the social pleasantries and ask if they have any beer. I love her to death, and would do anything I could for her.

When I met her, she was openly bi-sexual (or as open as putting it on her MySpace) so when she decided to come out, it really was no big shock. To me, it didn’t matter at all. She’s just my best friend, and while I’m proud (and envious) of her courage to accept who she is, it really didn’t make me look at her differently. At all!

However, I’m curious about what she will have to endure with others. I really get discouraged when I see hatred towards someone just because of something that is natural; something they did not CHOOSE to become. Now, don’t get me wrong, I will clown on anyone for anything, in the interest of getting a laugh; believe it or not, there is a difference between, say, racial humor, and being a racist. We are different. All of us. And if you can’t accept who you are in the name of humor, you really haven’t accepted who you are. Hatred versus a clever joke are night and day. Please don’t ever confuse the two.

Anyway, back to the best friend. I pitch her crap for, well, just about everything. But she knows me, and she knows I’m not malicious or hateful, so it’s okay. However, I really truly hope that her coming out is not an invitation for ridicule, hate, violence, discrimination… oh christ, you see what I’m getting at? Why the fuck would someone have to become a victim for accepting who they are!? I know I’m not saying anything that hasn’t been said a million times before, but maybe because of my own realizations it’s starting to hit home.

That’s the problem with our current culture: we can’t understand or accept things that we have not experienced ourselves. We don’t put the warning signs near the intersection until a kid gets killed by a speeding driver. We don’t put a lifeguard near the pool until someone drowns for a stupid reason. We stay in this weird social isolation until something disturbs it, and then (and only then) do we decide to do something about it. The Brady Bill. Tsunami detection. Homeland fucking Security. All things the result of a reactionary culture that would just be left alone.

Fuck your isolationism. Fuck your fear-mongering. Fuck your bigotry. If you want to be creeped out by a drag queen, fine. If you see two dudes kissing in the street and it offends you, fine. You have a right to that. But, goddamnit, don’t make your awful voice so loud that it keeps others from wanting to be who they are. Don’t be so imposing that you make others AFRAID to openly accept their own identity.

And to YOU, Dad, I’m not afraid of pissing you off. I’m not afraid of disappointing you. I’m afraid of you killing me, or killing yourself because your son’s a “fucking fag.” I do love you, Dad, but this part REALLY disappoints me.

And to my best friend, I love you like my own flesh and blood. And I am so proud of you, and if you ever need to talk, bitch, or mock things, call me. I’ll come over.

And drink your beer.

See, I’m one of those guys that very few would even suspect that I am attracted to men. Having said that, let me delve into (what I believe to be) some stereotypes, and how I fit into them.Now, I’ve said it before, and it bears repeating: I want to remain as anonymous as possible. I hope someone reading this is going through the exact same thing, and I don’t want to become a character, and I don’t want a face-to-a-name association. Rather, I would hope that this blog can be seen as the confessions of a closeted everyman. That said, here’s a bit about me.

I’m a bit of an asshole, not because I want to hurt people (I really, REALLY don’t), but because I am honest. And I expect the same from others.

I crack jokes on EVERYTHING and EVERYONE (myself, most of the time).

I have a very masculine appearance/voice.

I’m not afraid to offend anyone. At all. Ever. I say what’s on my mind, but, again, not to be a prick. And I don’t say things just to be a jerk. I’m honest with people as I would like them to be honest with me.

I drink beer.

I watch sports, and I read about sports (real sports, like Football and Baseball.)

I HATE Soccer.

I have ZERO fashion sense. I’m a jeans-and-t-shirt fellow.

And some dislikes that would probably get me kicked out of Camp Gay Guy forever: I dislike dance music, tiny yap-yap-yap dogs, dance music, techno, watching Bravo, techno (did I mention I don’t like dance music?), and Abercrombie & Fitch/Hollister/*insert brand name here*.

That’s really all I can think of. Now, after reading that, how many of you resent the fact that I want to join your fabulous little club!?

Is there something wrong with me? Why the hell do I feel the need to stereotype? Furthermore, how accurate am I, anyway!? Is who I am the reason that I never get hit on?

I have a feeling that it is. And it sucks that who I am is biggest part of my problem.

Damn, this blog really just bummed me out.